By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My hand turned me down
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
