Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
