he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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