she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
