High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
