Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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