I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
