Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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