I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
