she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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