i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
