I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
