i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
