I wanna passion pit in your ass
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
