i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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