My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
