Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
