I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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