i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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