We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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