my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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