We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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