yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
