Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
