You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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