if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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