I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
