Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
