If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
