I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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