We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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