So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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