life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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