I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She told me I should be a condom model.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
