ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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