no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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