doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
