He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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