So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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