Already got asked if we're dating
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
