I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
