My first STD was from a foam party
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
