so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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