I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
