Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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