i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
