Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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