Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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