it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
