I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
