I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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