I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
