Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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