Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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