sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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