My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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